Category: Phantom Break-up

This awkward voicemail comes courtesy of Lauren, who received a break-up message from a guy she was never even dating. The extent of their relationship: they had lunch together once and she borrowed his calculator.

Highlights: “I enjoy your company and if you don’t enjoy my company, just tell me because there are a lot of girls that would enjoy my company. And I’m not saying that to be a dick; I’m just saying that to be completely honest.”

Category: Russian Code Names

This one speaks for itself.

Excerpt: “I’m completely single. I’m very intelligent. I’m great in bed.”

Category: Cabin Fever

After a big snow storm, a 17 year-old high school student called the chief operating officer of his school system in Virginia to ask why he hadn’t declared a snow day. The student included his name and phone number and later got this message from the COO’s wife.

Category: Reaction to Perceived Slight

Scene: A woman goes to a bar to scout a band she is considering hiring to play at her son’s graduation party.

Andrea Allen describes what happened:

My boyfriend, Carl (a member of the band), “pretended like he didn’t know” this woman when he told her to hang on for one minute while he got me a drink at the bar. She left this voicemail and continued to scream about how much Carl’s band sucked the rest of the night before getting kicked out. Apparently she kept mouthing off about the band in the parking lot, so some other drunk people (fans) threatened to beat her to death.

Category: Late Night in New York City

Today’s awkward voicemail is brought to you by BetaMale.com

Category: Missed Connection - 5’8, Blonde, Kinda Slutty

We’re going to go out on a limb and guess she wasn’t as successful as Patrick Moberg in reconnecting.

Category: Car Accident Play by Play

Summary: an employee leaving a message for his boss that he’s running late witnesses a car accident and its aftermath, which he describes in his voicemail.

Category: Late Night Drunk Dial

More proof that alcohol and unrequited love is the perfect combination for an awkward voicemail.

(Note the caller’s friends laughing at him in the background. So cruel.)

Category: Consumer Complaint Voicemail

Description: Enraged by Jimmy Dean reducing the size of their sausage from 16 oz to 12 oz but still charging the same price, Randy Taylor left a voicemail complaint on Jimmy Dean corporate line.

Many thanks to Jen Dunlap for pointing this out to us.

[originally from Consumerist]

Category: How Not to Attract a Girl in a Voicemail

— from hrrrthrrr:

my friend’s little sister recieved this voicemail sometime last year and i just came across it again yesterday. thought it was worth a share.